stand by you

I recently heard, “Stand by You” by Rachel Platten blasting from one of the kids rooms. I went to investigate and they were just doing something else, happy with the music in the background. It’s a remnant that doesn’t sting.

“Stand by You” was my anthem song throughout Bs journey. Whenever I was tired or scared or discouraged I’d play it again and again. It reminded me of my resolve, and it choraled my goal that B would never feel alone with what he was facing. “Even if we can’t find heaven, I’ll walk through hell with you. Love, you’re not alone. I’m going to stand by you.” This song also connected me with the people standing by us, both nearby and from far away, helping us to navigate the unimaginable.

It was completely unreasonable to ask Melinda and David to learn Stand by You on such short notice for B’s memorial service. But I did ask, and they were amazing. Their stunning reinterpretation of this song was raw and beautiful. I couldn’t imagine honoring B without it, even though I’m not sure he knew the role the song played in keeping me going.

On day of the service, Connie had the kids and friends had all of the supplies. I drove solo from Lexington to Concord on the familiar tree-lined road that borders the Minuteman trail. That trail was a favorite place for Bart to go hiking and take visitors, and it was where he took his last two walks in nature. Of course, driving along that route, and for this purpose, I needed strength. So I was blasting this song.

I heard it differently that day. It was the first time I felt B truly with me since he had passed. I heard him saying those same words back to me. I don’t know what is real, but to me, his strength and presence along that drive helped to get me through the Eulogy and the ceremony. He bolstered me enough so I could be present with all of you to share in our love and memories and loss.

Advanced illness and grief can be all-consuming. Even so, I truly enjoy hearing about what’s happening with you; in fact it can be isolating when people assume their lives are a burden to share. Isn’t sharing what it’s all about? I deeply care about your joys and sorrows, and the mundane thoughts that come to mind. And I appreciate those who are able to hang with my intensity. One gift Bart’s journey offered is a channel to connect with others in the heart space. Not always acknowledged, but isn’t this space where we mostly reside?

This is a long post that is really just saying: Even if we are sometimes clumsy with each other, I feel you standing by me and it is my full intention to stand by you.

If you’ve got a second - here is a boost for you:

This links to the Rachel Platten original version with lyrics.

This links to the version with Melinda, David, and Dirk (on drums).