the year ago today game
I think it could be meaningful for me and a little repetitive for everyone else if I played too much of the ‘year ago today’ game in the blog. That said, I’m going to indulge here because my iPhone makes this game so easy to play.
A year ago…. we decided to go away for the weekend at the end of our February break. The destination had lots of criteria:
Within a 3 hours driving distance; preferably less
A hotel we could book with points in a walkable or historic city area
The nicest indoor pool we could find
These led us to the Marriott on the water in Newport, Rhode Island. The room booked with points had a view of the parking lot and barely enough room to walk around the edges of the two queen-sized beds. But the lobby and common areas of the hotel were strangely gargantuan and appealing. The kids were newly old enough to go exploring on their own, which made it feel freeing and adventurous.
When traveling by car we usually load a duffle of games… to be sure we have options. On the second day in Newport we set up Ticket to Ride in the spacious hotel bar, ordered hors d’oeuvres, and raucously tussled for rail dominance in a room full of strangers. We carried a deck of cards with us and had a roving game of Hearts going throughout the weekend… continued at each restaurant while we waited for our food. I think we even played right through breakfast both days.
Many of the famous Newport mansions from the Gilded Age were closed for the season, but we managed to visit the Breakers. B loved everything about the history and the town and wondered aloud if we could make Newport a new escape destination. We got pizza from a counter on the boardwalk and visited for too long with the artisan popcorn business owner. I got portraits of each of my three loves when we went for ice cream.
We knew the clock was ticking this weekend; chemo one was behind us and we were seeking other lines of treatment. Because of close quarters at the hotel and, well, on any family road trip, B and I refrained from much cancer talk. In a way this trip wasn’t a break from our lives in Lexington as much as it was a vacation from the disease, if that is possible.
I remember mostly enjoying the trip, but also aching inside at this unknown beast that was now on our doorstep. As I look back, it was a full family time… in technicolor of special, like most of our life seems now during the period after we knew but before the horror began.
I don’t have many other insights about this trip of a year ago. Just memories. Why is it that good memories can make you sad? I would like for them to be enough on their own - the goodness. But there is also an ache in their finality. No matter what we do and how we do it - the future will never again be the past. But it will also never be the four us us again. And I also will not be able to remember it with B.