a note on notes

I have been surprised by the number of cards we received in the mail. In an increasingly electronic world, many of us have grown accustomed to less and less correspondence by mail, with the glaring exception of family-photo-holiday-cards (which I also send and love).

After B passed, cards started arriving. Some were expected - from people who have sent cards in the past, or who were close to B but couldn’t make it to services. But many others were unexpected - from former work colleagues, from friends with whom we had not been in recent communication, and even from family or friends of friends or family.

I have saved every card and read most of them more than once. They were all received in love and with attention and appreciation.

I went to a one-time workshop for newly bereaved on Monday evening (an intense event to be discussed another time…. or not). There were different perspectives on whether these cards could be received and honored personally or if they should be responded to and returned in pace as they arrive. As with many things, I land squarely in the both / neither category on this topic.

That is to say, I intend to personally read fresh and respond to each card. These were gifts sent to us - outreach by people intending to share the burden of our grief together. I want to intentionally connect with each one and return the feeling. It will be another way of spending time with the goodness Bart brought to the world.

I just can’t do it quite yet. Hopefully soon.

Since so many of you are so awesome, the words in these cards have meant a lot. I thought I’d share an example that touched my heart. Hopefully this and other gifts from unexpected sources can touch your life today (with some slight adjustments for anonymity).

“You have no doubt received many heartfelt wishes from your friends and family since B’s passing. Hopefully my words will bring some small measure of comfort in knowing that there is one more soul out there who has a sense of the depth of your pain; who has watched what your family has endured; and who is awed by what it all means.”

I hope that this sentiment goes both ways… and that it is a mirror that I can reflect back to each person who has boarded this train with us. Before B’s illness, would anyone have sent this to us? Would I be writing about it on a blog? B’s loss and suffering enabled the gift of connecting with others in the soul place. May we all receive and share in this gift.