vacations and umbrella drinks
B could be a bit austere about vacations. He often wanted trips away to be intentionally enriching. He was not the kind of guy to plan a beach vacation, and if he was dragged to one, after a few days he’d be looking for museums or historical sites to explore or some large, involved hike. I love all kinds of vacations, and was happy with B’s vacation preferences, although I did tilt us toward silly times too.
Last spring, we knew that B’s cancer was about to take us in new directions. His first line of treatment had failed and he was on an immunotherapy clinical trial. The treatment itself was initially easier to tolerate than chemo therapy, but was also very unknown. Symptoms could vary by person and were unpredictable.
Somehow it came to me that our family needed to do Florida parks trip for April spring break. I had the instinct that we needed a time for family fun together. B agreed to my plan even though Disney and Universal were not his ideal for what was potentially his last big trip. We made plans long before telling the kids because, because, at that point, life was uncertain enough that we knew there was a decent chance that the trip would need to be canceled.
A few weeks before we were to leave, B’s blood counts went haywire and he sported a fever, landing him in the hospital for most of the week about 10 days before we were to leave. At the time everything felt so scary and uncertain. I was juggling between hospital and home, trying to keep my business running and appearances up because his condition was still largely silent within our community. I was worried that there were no plans yet for our time in FL and also scared to make them. The thought of canceling made plans seemed too sad. I remember driving alone down Grant Street late at night, with the trees as dark silhouettes against the sky, feeling alone and like the weight of the world rested on whether we could go to Florida.
And then … it was OK. B was released from the hospital, freed to travel, and secured a week break from treatment so we could take the trip. As B would do, first he had us spend a day at NASA, visiting the museum and taking a tour of the launch sites. This was followed by two days at Universal, with Harry Potter worlds and the Simpson’s ride, a day at Disney and a few pool days in between. B’s sister, Amy, joined us for the early part of the trip, and it was just the four us us for the rest. We stayed in a condo that B’s mom offered us that had bedrooms and an immense lazy river.
Like can occasionally happen when you don’t expect it, everything was perfect for this vacation. Weather was great. Time with Amy was awesome. Time with our family was magical. B was sometimes tired but mostly feeling OK. We walked the parks during the days, and came back to the condo for rest and for simple meals in the evening. We watched movies and played hearts on the balcony. Theme parks can be a little too stimulating sometimes, but in this instance, their in-your-faceness was perfect. We were buoyed by the next ride or ice cream treat and the fun flowed from the environment, requiring little of us to make it for ourselves. It was just what we needed.
Our last day at the resort was especially warm and clear, and B got in the lazy river and waterslide with the kids and played with them until the evening dimmed and the pool closed. For T and T, this fun, crazy, play time with dad was a special treat. That late afternoon was one of the fullest feelings I’ve ever had in my heart.
Water slide into the lazy river. B, T, & T in the pool.
TV after a long day
As April break came around this year, I was stuck on what to do. Vacation planning was something I always did with B, and it usually involved visiting family members somewhere. Things had been so hard and dreary for so long for us that I wanted to do something dramatic and fun. I wanted to be free of screens and connected with nature. I hoped for warm climate and easy activities, and yet away from crowds and too much stimulation. So I did.
While I was clicking ‘purchase’ for our hotel and plane tickets, some small part of me felt that I was doing something wrong… I was booking a trip that B never would have chosen, to a place that was not on his bucket list, and the decision was made without his input. Could I really do this? Was I betraying B?
But, now that I’m on my own leading this little family of three, I realize that I can sometimes do it how it would have been, but it will also sometimes have to be my way….
So we are now getting ready to go to small resort in the mountains of Costa Rica for a week. And! Lia and Denise and various combinations of their husbands and kids will be meeting us there. I know that, for me, this trip will be peaceful and mournful at the same time. I will both missing B and also finding joy, while mostly just being with whatever happens. Hopefully, for next week, that will also include umbrella drinks and monkeys.
April wishes to you all!